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Thursday, February 16, 2012

My heart is saying...

I have pens, I have papers. I’ve been told that if I have anything that bothering me, I can tell you stories. Even I have pens; I cannot write what I feel inside on papers. Even I have my lips; I cannot spell them out to someone that I don’t expect to understand. I feel so stressed out, I feel so disappointed, I feel so upset. I can’t say anything because I already know the answer. I can’t convince anything nor explain everything because I know I have zero chances of getting what I meant.

Yes, I found this the most difficult situation to deal with. I hate the heartaches. I hate the fast heart beats inside me, I hate when typing this, tears actually falling to my cheeks without stopping. I am going crazy. I’m afraid I can’t continue this anymore. I’m afraid all will be wasted. Sometimes I feel like I don’t worth of anything. Even you said I’m worth of everything. Yes, you said but you don’t mean it. Yes, sort of.

If you think that I am being unreasonable, be it. I know my reasons. I know why. I intentionally don’t want to tell you out loud because knowing you, its 50-50 that you would understand. Or, I don’t know you enough.

I had a sleepless night. I’m pretending to be fine when actually I don’t. And you still don’t get it. I thought our story is going to be about us. It is so upset that world does not revolve around me. It is more upset that world which I had in mind was you, does not revolve around me too… I am hopeless, I know. I just knew…

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